Allusion Poem

"Why do you shut people out?
Why do you shut the world out?
What are you so afraid of?"
I ask myself all the time...

Spending day after day trying to keep myself away from others,
And others away from me.
It's hard to walk around as if I'm not hurting.
As if I'm not afraid to get so close to anyone,
In fear of hurting them, too.
Especially the ones I love the most.

I hide.
In the dark of the night, in the still of the winds,
In the shadows of the world,
Behind a smile that would not even portray
The smallest, slightest bit of pain.

Cheeks stained with tears, covered by the makeup,
In hope that no one would see.
Smiling and laughing is apart of my show.
Everyone's got front row seats to it,
Yet no one really knows
me.

My life isn't the best...
I've ran into many big messes.
There's a lot that no one knows.
That girl that they see in me
Plays as a disguise, covering up
The real me I'm too afraid to set free.

The feeling of nothing but a failure.
A disappointment.
The feeling of thinking all I do is hurt people
Because of that.
It's because of feeling like I don't try hard enough.
It's because of feeling like I can't make anyone proud.
It's why each night, all I want to do is scream out loud
But even if I did,
It's like no one would hear me make a sound.

"Pain makes people change." I never did believe.
Until I looked in the mirror,
And I saw it in that girl staring right back at me.
Until after everything happened,
Until all my hope for better days were drained,
Until that storm came and broke it all down.

Until I came to realization about...
What I came to be,
Who I came to be,
Why I don't let people in,
Why I don't let them see
That person that I have to call
...me.